Religion

Yesterday, I went to a funeral in a Catholic Church. I wasn't raised Catholic and I always feel awkward when I go to a service in the Catholic Church because I don't know what to do and to say at the appropriate times. My husband was raised as a Catholic but gave it up long ago. I was raised as a Christian Scientist and gave that up long ago. But one thing I realized when I was at the mass yesterday was that I miss going to church. I also realized how much I missed singing the hymns.

After our son was born, I asked my husband if we could shop around for churches as I thought it was important to bring Alan up with some understanding of the religious world -- if for no other reason than for him to be able to decide for himself later on what was right for him. I wanted us to go to church as a family and be a part of a church. But for various reasons, we couldn't agree on a church and that hope of mine was not fulfilled.

However, I found a church that I enjoyed attending and did so for awhile by myself. But the problem I found was that in the south you don't just "go to church". Church becomes you. When I would go to this church I would see people that I knew and they were constantly asking me to "come to Sunday School", "come to my Bible Study group", "come to a church dinner", etc., etc. I didn't want to do all that stuff -- I just wanted to go to church on Sunday morning and listen to the service. When I explained that to my well meaning friends I think they understood and they let up for awhile but then they were back at it again. I felt bad always having to say no and as a result I stopped going to that church. It was the same with some other churches that I attended briefly.

I'm not a deeply religious person but I do believe in certain things. If you live in the south and don't belong to a church you are certainly an outsider.

Switching topics -- Since being diagnosed I have become aware that I am much more emotional now than I have ever been. The littlest things can bring me to tears. I have attended several funerals lately and although I didn't know the deceased very well (knew their spouses better) I was overwhelmed by my emotion. Things on tv get me stirred up to. Perhaps it is at those times that I realize how much we take life for granted and we shouldn't. I thought I had come to realize that -- but it is probably a good reminder.