This and That

Tomorrow my son and I are doing a local radio show. I have done the show on numerous occasions some about my job, but the last two years I have been on to talk about Alzheimer's. Tomorrow will be my son's first time on a radio program. He has stepped out in the limelight on my disease with television and newspaper reporters, but not radio. I'm proud of him for doing it -- he knows how important it is and I appreciate it. Also on the program with us tomorrow will be television personality Leeza Gibbons. She has started "Leeza's Place" for those with Alzheimer's. Her grandmother passed away with the disease and now her mother has it. I don't know what it must be like to be children of those with the disease and wondering whether they will get it or not. I know how bad I feel thinking that I may have passed this on -- but the question out there remains whether you want to know or not. There are pros and cons to both sides of that story.

I am enjoying my retirement. Of course, as I have probably stated before, I have to be careful to pace myself. So far, I'm doing pretty good. I am taking time to do some things around the house but one of the most important projects that I am doing is re-doing photo albums and scrapbooking. It takes a lot of time but I want to do these things for my son in particular. I'm beginning to forget more and more and I want to capture the memories while I still have them.

Retirement

So far, retirement is pretty good.  I love not having to get up in the morning and get dressed for work.  I still get up early out of habit, but it's nice to know that I don't have to.

I'm enjoying my peaceful time at home.  People keep asking me what I am doing to stay busy, because if you know me, you know that I am always doing something.  However, that has changed.  I'm not the same person anymore.  My personality has changed and of course my thought processes have changed as well.  I don't need to be busy every second of every day.  That is why I retired.....to have some time to be able to deal with life.  I honestly do not know how I worked every day -- I know I wasn't keeping up, but the energy it took was so exhausting.  I didn't realize how tired I was until I stopped working. 

My life is different now.  It's hard for people to understand that about me.  But that is o.k., they don't have to. 

I do have a few projects I am working on and I have had to tell a lot of people "no", which I didn't used to do.  But I know my limits -- I can't do the things I used to do -- eventually others will figure this out as well.  I want to do as much as I can, but that is a lot different than what it used to be.

I have a lot of friends that are concerned about me in my retirement.  Right now I'm doing fine and it makes my happy that they care about me.

 

Death

A friend of mine passed away last week.  She had been ill for a long time -- in and out of remission of a disease.  She was one of the first people that we met when we moved here almost 25 years ago.  Her memorial service was today and I sat there hoping that when it comes to be my turn that it will be as nice.  She had a lot of friends that loved her. She was only 54 years old. That's sad.
 
I was also reminded at the service how my memory is fading.  There were so many people there and I couldn't remember their names or realize how I should know them.  That has always been one of my strong points and that is something I am going to have to get used to.  The medication I am on has been good at helping but I know it isn't the cure! Don't I wish that it was.
 
 
 
 
 

Retirement

Well it has been so long since I wrote in here, that I went to edit my post and found that I had deleted it, so I had to start all over!

I am officially retired now and since it hasn't been but two weeks since this has happened I only feel like I am on vacation. I'm sure that will change shortly!

I went back to the doctor last week and he wants me to increase my medicine a little. That is always a bummer. And, it will be important for me to establish a routine now that I am home. That might be the most difficult thing for me to do!

We went on a short vacation to Toronto last week. It was nice getting away with the family. It does really exhaust me because I have to be so attentive all the time and it really wears me out. I did get pretty confused on the subway, tram and bus system, but that is what my family is for these days -- to help me maneuver. We did have a great time and the trip was just long enough. It is so important we do these trips because I'm not sure how long I will be able to travel like that.

I promise to be better about putting in some posts -- now that I am a lady of leisure!

Retirement Party

I know I wrote in here a few weeks ago that I was dreading my retirement party. Well, the party was yesterday and it turned out great. It was a little overwhelming but I got through it. I think my biggest surprise is that my brother travelled from Illinois to be here to surprise me. My son knew that he was coming but I didn't. I was so surprised. The staff at work did a good job in keeping it low key and not a lot of speeches. It was truly a humbling experience seeing all the folks that came out to wish me well. It was awesome. I will write more later.

Loneliness

It's been said many times that Alzheimer's is a disease of loneliness. Loneliness in the sense that others don't realize what you are going through, loneliness in the sense that people around you don't know how to act or react so they don't and loneliness in the fact that you feel all alone -- no one can really do anything to help you. If you were ever the last one picked in gym class you can probably understand this. I see my friends and family going on about their lives and I can't participate or I sense they don't want me to because I can't contribute. I don't blame them...they aren't being cruel....it's just life these days.

President Reagan

died yesterday at the age of 93. He had Alzheimer's. I was always kind of indifferent to President Reagan never really feeling one way or another about him. When he announced 10 years ago he had the early stages of Alzheimer's, I remember feeling sorry for his family and wondering what they would have to go through in the years ahead. Needless to say, his death has had a bigger impact on me than I thought it would. I don't think I need to say anymore.

On a lighter note, some friends came from Illinois to see us this week. They drove the 12 hours or so, stayed a day, went to Atlanta for a day and drove home. That's friendship. It means so much to me that I have friends like that. It's hard for me to see them leave because I don't know when I will see them again or if by the time I do see them again whether I will remember them or not. So, I try to cherish the time I have with everyone not knowing what lies ahead.

As retirement approaches at the end of this month, my list of things I want to do grows longer. That's probably a good thing.

It's been awhile

I know. This is getting more and more difficult to write. It's not that I don't have things to share it is just I don't think anyone would find them interesting!

It's Memorial Day Weekend and things are kind of quiet. I have one more month to work with only one more major concert to do. You have no idea how much I am looking forward to at least getting this last concert done! It's getting so hard to do and I just want it to be over. In a little more than a week it will be and hopefully with not many problems.

On a brighter and much more different note, there will be an Alzheimer's Memory Walk in Athens this year. A lovely individual has stepped forward to organize it and I hope I can be of some help. I have wanted to do one here but knew that I couldn't organize it. It's a massive undertaking and we are fortunate to have a lot of peole step forward to help. It will be Saturday, November 6th and I'm looking forward to it.

Change!

OK -- I started logging into this Blog page to write something and they have changed the whole format of how you do things.......and then expect me to understand it. So, I'm hoping this posts o.k. -- change is not a good thing for someone with Alzheimer's.

Yes, it has been awhile since I posted. Finally getting back to somewhat of a routine after Alan's graduation. He hasn't been home much since he graduated because he has been working alot. But, it sure is different with another person around the house when you are not used to it. It is hard for me when he and his dad are talking and the television is on -- I can't filter through everything and it sounds like just lots of loud noises in my head.

My office wants to give me a retirement party at the end of June. That is really bothering me. All the people, all the emotions, all the fuss. I just want to "go quietly into the night", but that isn't going to happen. These kinds of things are very dfficult for me and it will be hard. I know I am obsessing about it and I need to stop thinking about it because it is a month away. I was hoping to influence the party someway that it could be very low key but I think it is getting out of hand. More on that later I'm sure.

Graduation

I know it has been awhile since I entered something in here. My son's college graduation was this weekend and my two brothers from Illinois came down for it. It was awesome to see them and I am so glad they could come. I don't spend a lot of time with them, but when I enter retirement I am hoping that I will be able to visit them more often. But, the weekend was pretty tiring for me. I actually "did pretty well" the whole weekend, not getting too confused but I really tried to stay focus most of the time and it is exhausting.

I found going back to work on Monday pretty hard. That whole "working the mind" stuff didn't go so well. Since I was tired, I made a lot of stupid mistakes and stayed pretty much in my office and out of harm's way. I feel like I hibernate most of the time, trying not to venture out of my office much just because it is too difficult to get back on track once I do. So, I do better in my quiet office, all by myself.

My office wants to have a retirement party for me and I have been fighting it. I don't want a party but they are determined to have one whether I want one or not. So, I have decided to give in and I figure that if I can be part of the planning that I can maybe steer it my way -- not too much fanfare. I just want to go "quietly into the night", but that is obviously not going to happen if I don't have something to say about it. I have a hard time around a lot of people and I will sometimes feel like a panic attack is coming on because of all the noise and trying to sort everything out. I just get too confused and I am easily overwhelmed. I know they know that and will take that into account when planning the party but I am still very uncomfortable about the whole thing. I certainly don't feel like a deserve a party and just don't want a fuss. However, I have specifically asked for no one to bring gifts and if people would like to make a donation to the Alzheimer's Association that would be great.......perhaps there is an upside to this! I know they mean well and I appreciate the thought......I am just not very comfortable with it. I guess I have about a month to get used to the idea and we'll see what happens. I'm sure you will be reading more about this as we get closer and I get more anxious!