Wednesday, May 05, 2004


I know it has been awhile since I entered something in here. My son's college graduation was this weekend and my two brothers from Illinois came down for it. It was awesome to see them and I am so glad they could come. I don't spend a lot of time with them, but when I enter retirement I am hoping that I will be able to visit them more often. But, the weekend was pretty tiring for me. I actually "did pretty well" the whole weekend, not getting too confused but I really tried to stay focus most of the time and it is exhausting.

I found going back to work on Monday pretty hard. That whole "working the mind" stuff didn't go so well. Since I was tired, I made a lot of stupid mistakes and stayed pretty much in my office and out of harm's way. I feel like I hibernate most of the time, trying not to venture out of my office much just because it is too difficult to get back on track once I do. So, I do better in my quiet office, all by myself.

My office wants to have a retirement party for me and I have been fighting it. I don't want a party but they are determined to have one whether I want one or not. So, I have decided to give in and I figure that if I can be part of the planning that I can maybe steer it my way -- not too much fanfare. I just want to go "quietly into the night", but that is obviously not going to happen if I don't have something to say about it. I have a hard time around a lot of people and I will sometimes feel like a panic attack is coming on because of all the noise and trying to sort everything out. I just get too confused and I am easily overwhelmed. I know they know that and will take that into account when planning the party but I am still very uncomfortable about the whole thing. I certainly don't feel like a deserve a party and just don't want a fuss. However, I have specifically asked for no one to bring gifts and if people would like to make a donation to the Alzheimer's Association that would be great.......perhaps there is an upside to this! I know they mean well and I appreciate the thought......I am just not very comfortable with it. I guess I have about a month to get used to the idea and we'll see what happens. I'm sure you will be reading more about this as we get closer and I get more anxious!

No comments: