Back at home

We made it back from Seattle late last night. We are exhausted. But, we had a good time. It is always great to spend some time with my son. He drove up from Mountain View California so he was our "driver" all week. However, I have decided that if he doesn't make it as a lawyer he could certainly be a taxi cab driver in New York City.....he drives like one!

The photos above are from Mt. Ranier. It was so beautiful. The weather was great that day so we were able to see the full view of the mountain. As we got ready to leave the clouds started rolling in.

It was nice to get away but it is getting more difficult to travel. I really get tired and I try to "stay up" with the group but that doesn't always happen. One day I just had to let my husband and son go out and do things on their own because I wasn't up to it. I had a few panic attacks and it just becomes overwhelming. I feel like I am the ball in the ball in chain when we go out because I'm usually the one holding everyone up.

It will take me a few days to get back into my routine and I certainly missed it. I'm much more comfortable at home now.

More after I rest up.

Leaving on a jet plane

in the morning for Seattle. I promised to blog before I left. I had planned to write a lot but our computer has been down and it is late so this is going to be short. I'm very anxious about the trip. I've had panic attacks all day and couldn't do the simplest of things! It is so frustrating. I hope I will be better when I am there. I know I'll be all right because I have my family with me --that's a good thing. More when I return.

Panic Attacks

I've been bothered a great deal by panic attacks this week. They seem to come and go. And, I haven't seen a pattern for them this week at all. But, they do stop me in my tracks and the only place I feel comfortable is at home.

I've been trying to stay to my routine as much as possible. One day this week, though, it was time for me to go to the gym and the panic attack was so bad I had to stay home. Luckily, I know I am not going to die from them, but they are certainly annoying.

Perhaps I am getting a little anxious about a trip we are taking next week. We are headed out to Seattle to catch up with my son. He is driving up to Seattle from Stanford and we are going to have a week together. I don't do well traveling these days and perhaps that is in the back of my mind.

More before I leave --I promise.

The week

I had a strenuous "mind week" if you will. Was working on a lot of things for the Memory walk and I also decided to tackle a jigsaw puzzle. If you've read my posts before you know that I say never to give a jigsaw puzzle to an Alzheimer's patient (at least me) because it is so frustrating. But, I felt pretty good and I had one in the closet and I decided to try it. Talk about a brain drain! But I did finish it and I was totally exhausted. I couldn't believe how much it took out of me. After finishing it up on Thursday, I went to a Memory Walk meeting with my husband. It was at a restaurant that was very noisy. I could barely get through the meeting and meal because of the noise and just being mentally tired. I kept forgetting what I was saying, was confused and just normally not doing very well. I'm glad my husband was with me because I'm not sure I would done very well getting home.

That night I had a dream and in it I had Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's has never manifested itself into my dreams. I thought it was interesting that that night it did. I've always been this "normal" person in my dreams. I hope that doesn't keep reoccuring because it is nice to know that when I go to sleep and dream I don't have this.

Denial

Over the last few days I have come across several people who are dealing with denial issues in regards to Alzheimer's. Some are dealing with denial over themselves having the disease while others are dealing with denial from their family members.

I can understand the denial from the person with Alzheimer's much more than I can with the family. Now I realize that there is always some sort of denial in the beginning, but when it is taken to the extent of denial in not helping the person with Alzheimer's because they don't believe they have the disease -- that is a little harder to take.

My family has said that I never went into denial. I think I probably did, but if I did it wasn't for long. What is the point? If you have a disease what is the reason for denial? Deal with it. Find out what you can do and live the rest of the life you have. We always say life is too short and when you are in denial it is even shorter, because you are not enjoying the time you have with your friends and family. Besides, it takes too much effort (for me anyway) to be in denial.

It's hard to ask for help when you are in denial -- and trust me -- with Alzheimer's you need help. I don't like to admit that I do, but as each day, week and month passes I need more help. I don't like it -- but I'm learning to deal with it.

The weather

I know it is hot all over the country and I don't know if that is the reason I have been so "out of it" lately or not. I just haven't felt like doing anything lately (including writing in this blog). I feel lethargic and lazy. I know that everyone wants to blame the weather on everything , but because I can't think of any other excuse, that's what I'm going to do too!