Mini Meltdown

Over the weekend I had what I consider a "mini meltdown". Many things had been building up and I guess I unleashed some of them. I'm sure my husband would think this was a "major meltdown", but I guess the old saying is "you haven't seen anything yet" would apply. The one thing my husband did say was "Is that you or the disease?". I can say for 100 percent certainty that this meltdown was me! Sometimes things I say or I do I can say that it is 100% the disease and sometimes I'm not sure. I guess as the disease progresses it will be easier to tell.

I know I haven't posted in awhile. But I'll be back soon.

Emotions

I know I have said this before, but I tend to be a lot more emotional than I have ever been. This past week, a very close friend shared some horrific news about something that is going on with her family. I won't go into details, but it has affected me greatly. I can't sleep, I think about it constantly and want to cry at the drop of a hat. I don't know if this is good or bad but I know that five years ago I probably wouldn't have reacted this way. The news still would have been bad, but I'm not sure I would have nightmares over it. I'm glad my friend could confide in me and I wish there was something I could do to help, but there isn't.

Again -- it puts other things in perspective. Life just isn't fair.

Stress

can do strange things to you. And, if you have Alzheimer's stress is probably one of the things you don't want to have to deal with because it makes it worse.

I've been under a lot of stress lately and that is part of the reason I haven't had many entries lately to this blog. I haven't been able to find the right words. I've been forgetting a lot lately and getting confused more than normal. What is probably even odder, is that my dreams reflect my forgetfulness and confusion. In my dreams lately I am mimicking (sp?) my days. Usually when I dream, I seem "normal" and don't have these problems. Now they have caught up to me. Maybe when I feel less stressful -- that too shall pass.

February ramblings

February is a weird month.

It's usually awful weather and everyone anticipates it being over to see the first signs of spring.

Both my brothers and my father had a birthday in February so we always had some type of celebration going on it seemed. Ironically, my best friend, my husband and my brother all have the same birthday. Another couple we are friends with have their anniversary that same day. It has always struck me odd how with 365 days in a year, that many people I know share the actual birthdays. I know there are a lot of people in the world, but I don't know that many people. I have four friends who share the same birthday with my late mother. That just seems odd to me.

A friend of mine in Illinois retired this week. He wasn't quite ready to retire, but circumstances as they were, he felt that it was the right time. He told me that his wife (also retired) was fine with it as long as he got up every morning and left to go somewhere at 8:00 a.m.

Retiring is certainly an adjustment and when there are two in the house it is even more so. I don't adjust well to cerain things and just when I think I have the "adjustment period" of my husband's retiring over six months ago down, I realize I don't. Maybe it is a constant "adjustment period". The biggest thing I have noticed is that my husband has always been a very negative person. I guess it didn't bother me as much when we were both working because we didn't see that much of each other. But now, having to live with it 24 hours a day is wearing pretty thin on me. I don't get it -- way too much energy is expended on being negative and for what reason? I get to the point of not even wanting to talk with him because there is always something negative to come from it. Life's just too short and as my son once said "gotta live it one day at a time".