Work

Sometimes I don't realize what a toll work takes on me until I have a day off. That's probably not a good thing.

Friends

Friends are so great. They take your mind off of things. They laugh with you. They love you for you. I'm so thankful I have friends.

Not a Good Day

Yesterday was not a good day. I couldn't remember my cat's name. I have found that watching movies or reading books is something I don't do well. I can't keep up with the story line of the movies and I can't remember what I've read from page to page. It's frustrating. Last night my husband was watching "The Hours" which is suppose to be a good movie. I thought I could follow it -- but was lost in the first fifteen minutes. I'm not very good company when watching movies because I ask a lot of stupid questions. So I just don't watch.

Unproductive

I'm so unproductive these days. Work has been really hard this week -- lots of things to deal with outside of the norm -- which of course, throws me off my routine -- and we know what that does. Staying focused has been extremely difficult. I have my good weeks and my bad weeks. I think I'm still trying to recover from the long Willie Nelson day. My short term memory is getting a little worse. I know people are noticing more and more but they don't want to say anything to me!

Exhaustion

It is amazing to me how being tired affects your brain. I never used to notice this unless I had been going at full speed for several weeks and then things came crashing done on me. However, since it takes so much energy to concentrate and focus with Alzheimer's, I get tired and totally exhausted a lot quicker than I used to. We had Willie Nelson in for a show on Sunday night so it was a long day and dealing with everything took its toll on me. On Monday, I was in meetings all day and today I'm just running on empty. At least my brain is -- thank God I'm on medication because I cannot imagine what I would be like if I wasn't.

This is Hard

Several people have called me lately to ask me why I haven't written anything in my blog. The problem is I think of all kinds of things to post here, but then I have second thoughts. I don't want this to sound so depressing or always talk about the difficulties I face, but that is what is on my mind most of the time. Work has been extremely hard this week and at one point, I was so confused I wanted to call my husband and ask him to come and get me so I could go home and snuggle up in a warm bed and take a nap. Nothing was making sense and I didn't know what to do about it. My brain had turned to jello and it was melting! Somehow, I regrouped and made it through the day but it was tough. I've mentioned before that routine is very important to me and I have bad days when my routine is out of kilter. Having this cast on my foot has definitely changed my routine and perhaps that is contributing to my difficult times of late.

I had a confrontation on the phone with our cell phone provider and I was so confused by what she was saying that I know that I was not getting across to her. I knew exactly what I needed to say but the words could not come out and I got very frustrated. The whole situation was frustrating but I felt taken advantage of. Another instance where I felt this way was when I went into a drugstore to buy a lot of things and I had a bunch of coupons. When I was being checked out I knew that the clerk had not rung it up properly to take into account my coupons and the sales items, but I couldn't explain it to her. It was all in my head, but I couldn't get it out properly. I felt like a senior citizen being scammed by a con artist. There was absolutely nothing I could do to make the situation right because I didn't have the capability of communicating the right way. That is also a good reason not to go shopping by myself -- which I don't do very often.


But, I was able to enjoy a weekend with my son home and celebrated my husband's 60th birthday yesterday. Those are the nice things I hope I can remember.

The Week

Well, this week has been the pits. I can't adjust to having this cast on my foot. My husband is right in saying that this cast is bothering me much more than it should. I hate to be dependent on people and I think I'm looking at my future with Alzheimer's and knowing how much more dependent I will be on my family as my illness progresses. That's not fair to them and there isn't anything I can do about it. It will be much worse than dealing with someone with a cast on their foot! The thought of that depresses me greatly.....my family doesn't deserve that.

Delta Sky Magazine

This month's issue of the in-flight magazine has an article about the Alzheimer's Association in it. It's a great article --if it had not been for them and their support I'm not sure that I would be doing as well as I am. If anyone is reading this that has Alzheimer's and has not contacted the association do it now. There is a link on my page -- it will not only help you but your family as well.

My son is coming home from college this weekend. I've been really down about this stupid cast on my foot --he always brightens my world when I get to see him. I know I'll feel much better by Monday.

Doctors

When I was in the hospital this weekend I had to put on my form "Alzheimer's" when they asked about current medical conditions. I'd never had to do that before and that is pretty weird. Anyway, when the doctor came in to see me he said "You have a little bit of early on set Alzheimer's going on, huh?" I said yes, and he said "Well, you look like its not bothering you too bad" or something to that affect. How does he know that from just looking at me for 5 seconds before he said it? I looked awful already -- no make up, didn't mess with my hair, had just gotten up in the morning and then he said that. Most doctors don't have a clue what you go through when you have Alzheimer's. Many Alzheimer's patients complain about people saying "you look great --you must be doing great". That really wears thin after awhile. I know they mean well and they don't know what to say. But......

As you can tell, I'm probably not having a good day.