I'm back from another trip to Illinois where I was visiting my ailing brother Bill. He just can't seem to catch a break. We received some more disheartening news of his condition while I was there.
My other brother, Tom, and I went to dinner with Bill's children, Elizabeth and Jonathan. They are in their late 20's early 30's and have families of their own. As I am, we are all struggling with the problems Bill is facing. They want answers and so do I. Unfortunately the answers are somewhat elusive. I feel bad in that Tom and I are the "adults" if you will in this situation and we are not able to help Elizabeth and Jonathan with the answers they need. I feel so helpless. I feel like I should be able to provide the support they need and I can't. I've never really felt like the "grown up" giving out advice. But, they were looking for it and I couldn't help. No one can -- and that is the difficult part.
As I look at the situation, I realize that in my own life people feel helpless because they can't help me either. But, I'm not looking for help in terms of what people can do for me. I just need people to be around me for friendship and companionship -- not to forget about me because I'm sick. There will be days when my family needs help and I hope my firends are there to help them when the time comes. I feel bad that I am going to be a burden on people and hope that it isn't too bad. I feel as inadequate about that as I do about not being able to help my neice and nephew find the answers they need.