Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Back Again

I'm back from another trip to Illinois where I was visiting my ailing brother Bill. He just can't seem to catch a break. We received some more disheartening news of his condition while I was there.

My other brother, Tom, and I went to dinner with Bill's children, Elizabeth and Jonathan. They are in their late 20's early 30's and have families of their own. As I am, we are all struggling with the problems Bill is facing. They want answers and so do I. Unfortunately the answers are somewhat elusive. I feel bad in that Tom and I are the "adults" if you will in this situation and we are not able to help Elizabeth and Jonathan with the answers they need. I feel so helpless. I feel like I should be able to provide the support they need and I can't. I've never really felt like the "grown up" giving out advice. But, they were looking for it and I couldn't help. No one can -- and that is the difficult part.

As I look at the situation, I realize that in my own life people feel helpless because they can't help me either. But, I'm not looking for help in terms of what people can do for me. I just need people to be around me for friendship and companionship -- not to forget about me because I'm sick. There will be days when my family needs help and I hope my firends are there to help them when the time comes. I feel bad that I am going to be a burden on people and hope that it isn't too bad. I feel as inadequate about that as I do about not being able to help my neice and nephew find the answers they need.

2 comments:

Bill said...

The last paragraph of this post is a strong statement that I fell and I agree with. Thanks for your support
Bill

Anonymous said...

Your comments in the last paragraph are my sentiments exactly for my husband. I do feel helpless because I cannot "fix it". And I absolutely want people around for friendship and laughter. I love seeing his comfort in the company of friends and family with all the chatter and laughing and teasing. I've chosen not to tell our friends of the diagnosis to prolong the longest normal relationship time probably in fear what you wrote, "not to forget him because he is sick". This diagnosis will become apparent soon enough. Until that time, I just want to share all the laughter available and we have been enjoying so many moments--including the "repeats". I have not visited your site for sometime but I'm glad I did tonight. You are a wonderful inspiration to me and I thank you for all you do and all you are.
And--you look great in that cowboy hat!
LB